Something Real

Life didn't turn out the way I expected it to.

I expected not to be worrying about money as much as I am
I didn't expect to be seeing a therapist and I didn't expect the therapy to be free.
I expected to have more friends, and I didn't expect to be all right with having so few.
I didn't expect to be dreading home.

I expected to feel pain, but not over boys who are men now.
I didn't expect my laptop to stop working three weeks into the semester.
I expected to get more letters in the mail.
I expected to have good friends, not a best friend.
I didn't expect to get along with my roommates.
I expected to cry more.

I didn't expect waking up at seven to be so hard.
I expected to eat, but I didn't realize how much it would cost.
I didn't expect to be writing letters to so many people.

I expected to be lonely. I didn't expect to be okay with it.

I expected to have more scholarships.
I expected to travel more.
I didn't expect to be planning spontaneous road trips with my best friend.

I didn't expect to find myself.
I expected to grow less spiritual, not to find myself closer to God.

I expected to hurt, but not this much.