My alarm goes off. I press the snooze button for five more minutes.
Alarm goes off again. Another five minutes.
The alarm goes off a third time.
Eventually I drag myself out of bed. On a good day I take a shower. But usually I sleep in another twenty-five minutes.
Eventually I drag myself out of bed. On a good day I take a shower. But usually I sleep in another twenty-five minutes.
Eat breakfast, get dressed, and do my best to be out the door half an hour before school starts.
Try to learn, but I doze off during class.
And the next one.
When midday rolls around it's a little better.
Head to the library to check my email. Send off a couple messages, do online assignments, write.
Head to the library to check my email. Send off a couple messages, do online assignments, write.
One more class. The teacher doesn't teach the way I'm used to.
Head home. Eat something. Read a book. Eat something else. Not sure why I'm so hungry all the time.
Appointment with my therapist. Occasional shopping trip afterward. Life is easier without a car, but it takes longer.
Home again. Straighten up my room. I can't stand too much disorganization. Eat first dinner, study, eat second dinner.
Watch something on TV. Hate the fact that I'm wasting my time. Don't care enough to stop.
Go to my room. Sit on the bed and play solitaire or read on my Kindle. Fight the loneliness that invariably hits around 9:30.Try to convince myself that things will change and it won't always hurt like this.
Listen to country love songs and Christian contemporary music and stay trapped between believing and despairing.
Study a little. Write in my journal. Find a small snack in my pantry of rapidly diminishing food. And finally fall asleep sometime after midnight.
Seven hours later... the alarm goes off. And the process repeats.
Appointment with my therapist. Occasional shopping trip afterward. Life is easier without a car, but it takes longer.
Home again. Straighten up my room. I can't stand too much disorganization. Eat first dinner, study, eat second dinner.
Watch something on TV. Hate the fact that I'm wasting my time. Don't care enough to stop.
Go to my room. Sit on the bed and play solitaire or read on my Kindle. Fight the loneliness that invariably hits around 9:30.Try to convince myself that things will change and it won't always hurt like this.
Listen to country love songs and Christian contemporary music and stay trapped between believing and despairing.
Study a little. Write in my journal. Find a small snack in my pantry of rapidly diminishing food. And finally fall asleep sometime after midnight.
Seven hours later... the alarm goes off. And the process repeats.
This is my world.
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